All martial artists should be proficient at dealing with an assault, but they should also possess the ability to defuse negative emotions before they manifest themselves as violence. (For illustrative purposes, Chuck Sullivan is shown.)
	Verbal skills are one of the most important components of self-defense, the author says, but few instructors devote sufficient time to teaching them. (For illustrative purposes, Meredith Gold is shown in an adrenal-stress training session.)
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	When the aggressor approaches, Matthew J. Numrich (left) tries to calm him with a passive stance and reassuring words (1). He realizes his strategy is failing when the man continues to close the distance, which causes Numrich to engage his limbs (2) and strike him with an uppercut (3). The martial artist then slams home a low-line shin kick (4) and a knee to the face (5) to finish the encounter.
	Deciding what to say before you need to say it can be your ticket out of a dangerous situation, the author says, but you should also position yourself to act quickly and ferociously if your verbal defense fails.

Before situations become violent, they often pass through a preliminary stage that entails verbal assaults, taunts and insults designed to degrade you, your date and maybe even your mother. Unfortunately, the average martial arts curriculum devotes little or no time to teaching you how to deal with such encounters before they degenerate into a series of flying fists and feet.

Obviously, it’s preferable to defuse tensions before they become physical. That frequently amounts to nothing more than shrugging off a couple of cuss words without ever putting yourself in harm’s way. There are times, however, when defending yourself with words requires skills you haven’t developed extensively.

This article will set you on the path to remedying that shortcoming.

New Way of Thinking
As you work out in the dojo, it’s easy to forget that the real message of the martial arts is about winning without fighting. Any idiot can throw a punch or kick, but you can choose not to let an assailant bring you down to the level of violence.

For most martial artists in most situations, winning should not mean prevailing with superior force. It should mean doing whatever is necessary to avoid setting in motion a chain of events that could create enough ill will to leave you looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. Obviously, there’s a line which, if crossed, will necessitate the use of physical force to stop aggression, but that’s the easy part.

Verbal defense involves using emotional and psychological tools to win without fighting. It teaches that at the outset of any argument or conflict, your course of action should begin with four steps intended to deescalate the tension if possible and to prepare you for violence if peace just wasn’t meant to be.

Step One
As soon as you become aware of the presence of an irate person— perhaps someone who’s trying to engage you in a stare down and who’s tossing a few choice expletives your way—you must pay attention to his every move. If he approaches, start putting distance between the two of you by slowly stepping backward. Then force yourself to relax because you’ll need all your faculties to prevail.

The Rationale: Strategically retreating is a great way to initiate the de-escalation process. If the thug is expecting you to walk toward him and stand nose to nose, he’ll be in for a rude awakening. By stepping backward a few paces, you’ll also increase your view of the playing field. Note the closest exit, the existence of makeshift weapons and the possible presence of friends waiting to jump in and help him pound you.

Step Two
While you’re executing step one, assume a passive stance that will enable you to launch a sneak attack if need be. Raise your arms and turn your body slightly to the side. Fix your eyes on your opponent’s midsection because he probably won’t be able to attack without moving his center of gravity. Relax your facial muscles so they convey a non-emotional expression, one that is neither smiling nor frowning.

The Unexpected: Your goal is to do exactly the opposite of what the average bar fighter does: When he rushes in to defend his ego after being insulted, chances are he’ll stand belly to belly with his assailant, his arms hanging loosely at his sides and his eyes locked onto the other man’s. That orientation positions him too close to the aggressor to see a right hook or a similar attack, and because his arms are down, he won’t be able to stop the blow once he detects it. Furthermore, he won’t be cognizant of where the exits and obstacles are.

Step Three
Know what to say. Have a couple of generic non-threatening phases that are likely to calm a variety of situations. “I’m sorry,” and “I didn’t mean to ...” are good places to start.

Be genuine with your tone, not angry or degrading. Occasionally look at the aggressor’s face but remember to focus on his midsection. The key is to strike a balance between sounding sincere and keeping your emotions in check.

The Alternative: If you opt not to respond, he’ll probably interpret it as a sign that you’re passive or disrespectful. Therefore, you’ll want to answer with something. By taking blame without actually saying, “It’s my fault,” you can save face and, hopefully, get back to whatever you were doing. Remember that most people who confront you just want to be recognized—or they want you to acknowledge whatever you might have done to offend them.

Step Four
Plan your counterattack according to a preconceived ethical standard. If you’re like many martial artists, the years you’ve spent in the dojo have revolved around executing the most devastating techniques known to man. Naturally, you’ll want to have the option to use one of them, but you’ll also want to be able to use a less-lethal incapacitating technique. As you practice, make sure your response to a sucker punch thrown by a high school punk who’s alone differs from your response to an assault launched by a 6-foot-5- inch, 300-pound thug who looks like he’s been in a couple of recent fights and has a horde of rowdy friends behind him. Realize that some encounters will demand a hit-and-run tactic, while others will require a restraining hold or a no-mercy finishing technique.

Bonus Tip: Given that Murphy’s Law surfaces in combat more than anywhere else, make your self-defense plans but always be ready to change them. Know how you can counter your opponent’s punch with a side step and groin kick, but be ready to implement a takedown or roundhouse kick if need be.

The Final Word
If you jump to conclusions after being insulted, you increase your chance of making a bad decision you could wind up paying for for years to come. It’s far superior to find a creative way to deal with a wide range of situations, and the best way to develop that skill is scenario training.

In the dojo, envision how you’d respond if someone insulted your wife, continued to bump into you on the dance floor or accused you of stealing his parking space. Practice cooling a fight that’s brewing between your friend and a third party. Simulate the presence of security personnel or the manager of the business establishment you’re pretending to be in. Learn how to get them on your side from the beginning so they can tell the cops exactly what happened even after you’ve punched a hole in their wall, shattered their glasses and scared off their customers.

Remember the adage: You fight as you train, so train as you want to fight. Sparring, drills and technique sequences are great, but you must work them all into realistic scenarios.

Role playing makes it fun, breaks the monotony and gets you thinking creatively. Before the first practice punch is thrown, try talking yourself out of trouble. The “aggressor” should back down if you offer good responses and press his attack if you don’t. He should also have the freedom to come out swinging regardless of your actions.

Don’t take for granted your ability to process in real time all the skills and responses you’ll need. Self-defense is truly a multi-tasking situation in which you may find yourself simultaneously backing up, assessing your opponent, scanning the environment, responding with calming statements and planning your counterattack. On the mental side, it may involve weathering vulgar insults and pacifying inflated egos. No matter what, it’s problem solving at its highest level—and it all usually happens in less than 10 seconds.

If you fail to train with these factors in mind, the skills you need to prevail may not be available when you need them.